A Novel Idea

CHAPTER: THE SECOND

   Pushing all common sense and reason to the back of his mind, Darlous Quip began to write what seemed to be the beginnings of a book. This act, although attempted several times throughout his life, was completely irrational, for Darlous had not the faintest idea what this book would be about nor did he know how to write a book at all for that matter. He merely sat himself behind his typewriter and began typing the first thing that came to his head. What materialized where the words that you see before you, in their exact order and condition from when Darlous first typed them. They have not been altered.
    Darlous devoted precisely twenty-two seconds to this attempt before he realized that this work was no better than the others that he had tried and failed to complete through a mist of momentary inspiration. Like the others, Darlous realized that this beginning had no substance, no tracks leading it towards an end goal. All that he had written within those twenty-two seconds was bland exposition about the actions of his protagonist.
    So in an effort to salvage those seconds past, Darlous took to deepening his introduction by cleverly lengthening the majority of the sentences used thus far in order to make his writing more attractive to a literate audience. Darlous had always found that long sentences usually indicate that the writer was well educated in the field of writing, and the reader would then feel that they are in good hands. Charles Dickens would often use exceptionally long sentences which usually made for long paragraphs which in turn made for long, complete books. This tactic was the first of three maneuvers Darlous took to ease his mind into thinking that what he was doing was worth the now fifty-eight seconds spent.
    The second maneuver used by Darlous was the act of name-dropping important writers that had come before him in order to fabricate a connection within the reader's mind between these authors' works and his own. This maneuver was a rather intelligent illusion which, if used with the proper amount of finesse, could subconsciously persuade readers into believing that the words they read before them are on par with those of Hemmingway, Steinbeck, or Tolstoy.
    Interestingly though, for reasons beyond him, Darlous Quip chose not too use his real name within the pages of the book but rather chose to invent a pseudonym. The choice came late in the writing process, five paragraphs in to be specific, which once again made Darlous go back through all that he had written and change the protagonist’s name to something that rolled off the tongue more easily than his real name. Also in a lame effort to once again promote the authenticity of the writer’s image, Darlous removed any mention of modern technology in favor of more beloved imagery such as that of the typewriter. Darlous understood what the concept of a lonesome alcoholic beating his thoughts into such a barbaric machine justified to the common reader: brilliance, no doubt.
    The third and final maneuver that Darlous used was the technique of listing for the sake of bulking up what now appeared to be a gratifying opening chapter to his book. The technique is actually quite simple. It is just a matter of coming up with a various number of items to discuss, then in well formulated paragraphs neatly explain each of their relevance. For Darlous, this gave him a focused direction to write towards, a track leading towards an end goal. The technique of listing also allows for the reader to follow coherently the trajectory of the events, for they are given in a simple formulated fashion. Darlous used this in order to manipulate the impression that he was aware of what he was doing, in the easiest way fashionable.
    Having abused the privileges that these three maneuvers can offer the proper writer, Darlous summed up the introductory chapter of his book with a well integrated closing sentence, typed from the keys of his typewriter, and in one final half-hearted attempt to allude to attractively larger concepts for the sake of sounding profound, Darlous ended on philosophy.